Can’t We Just Drink Cherry Wine?

 

Earlier this morning, I was talking to my sister Hawaiian Silky Half-Breed about nothing in particular when, for whatever reason, she brought up the band Gym Class Heroes. Trying desperately to convince me that this band is worth caring about, it wasn’t until she walked away crooning their new single “Clothes Off” that I remembered the first time I truly felt our generation gap.

A couple weeks ago and I was riding in the car with my dear friend Mixxy Mulatto and we were on our way to her house to watch that coconut horror flick Turistas which, let’s be honest, was a complete waste of time. Unlike most of our car rides together, we decided to listen to the radio instead of whatever throwback cd we were diggin’ on at the time and this was a near miracle because I get tired of the radio very, very quickly.

Just as expected, it only took about 5 minutes for me to lose interest but as I gazed off into space trying to ignore some song by Panic At The Fall Out Boy Hinders My HelloGoodbye I heard something that jolted me so far back to reality I almost choked on my Faygo.

(Listen at least 30 seconds into the video) 

It was the new Gym Class Heroes song. The one my sister had been singing this morning, and I couldn’t believe what they had done. All of a sudden, I no longer saw the gray line that lay somewhere in between my generation and my sister’s, but instead there was a large black one made of permanent marker that had taken its place.

Anyone who can legally drink should be able to at least vaguely remember the original song to which this abomination was sampled from but if not, let me refresh your memory.

 

His name was Jermaine Stewart and although his career was short-lived, Jermaine enjoyed the success of several popular singles including ”We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off”, a song he wrote during the 1980’s to address the AIDS crisis that arose in the decade. Perhaps ironically, Jermaine died of liver cancer caused by AIDS complications exactly 10 years after the song was released.

So now can you imagine why 20 years after the song was released I was shocked and appauled that some popular little pop-punk-rock-rap-reggae band had sampled the song and changed the chorus from “we don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time” to “we HAVE to take our clothes off to have a good time”?????

The man died of AIDS people and he was trying to spread a message of abstinence!!!!!!!

Shit, need I remind you of the lyrics “girl show some class, why you wanna move so fast”??? How can some little children go on a bastardize this song so that the message is the exact opposite of what Jermaine intended in the first place?! I mean, how disrespectful can you be?! And to think, I was starting to warm up to Gym Class Heroes. Afterall, their lead singer is a half-breed his damn self! Plus, he ain’t too bad to look at either…

Anyway, so there I sit in the car. Completely taken aback. Hand over my mouth. Shocked because I now understand how my parents felt when every single hip-hop song I ever played had a sample of a song from their youth that had been scratched around until the message was lost forever.

God, how old am I??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?

Maybe I’m crazy, but this is disturbing! I can never look at Gym Class Heroes the same way anymore, or anyone who likes them for that matter. That song has completely ruined their entire reputation for me and until they decide to send out a formal apology, and we all know that’s doubtful, they can fuck off and die. In fact, in the words Dave Chappelle as Rick James, one of the most sampled men in history, I would like to say:

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